Men just don't grow up, and it's probably for the best.

 

Yesterday, My Xbox stopped working, no signs of life at all, it is an ex-Xbox, and being the sentimental type, I started thinking about all the fun I have had with the little black box of tricks under the TV from playing Call of duty Ghosts and dominating in a team deathmatch, through to the unpredictable interactions with other players on DayZ, and I realized that my Xbox was a part of my survival.

You see I bought that Xbox at quite a low point in my life, I found myself in the situation of being a single father looking after my 3-year-old son, we had just moved into a new place because at the same time my relationship broke down, we lost our home, but that's a story for another time.

The nights were the worst, the loneliest time, with my son being still young and sleeping from 7pm till 6am every night, I found myself alone for long periods of time, I have never been a TV-watching type, but being able to access Netflix and other streaming services through the Xbox meant there was a decent distraction for me.

As my son got older we started to bond over games, we would spend hours playing Disney Cars 2, I would sit and revel in the sheer joy of his innocent shrieks of laughter at his favorite Disney cars characters on the screen, and we would watch movies together on it, and I have lost count of the times when he has been up all night sick, and I have held him in my arms as we watched movies and watched him drift off into peaceful sleep.

When Times were tough as he got older, and he would be upset because his mother couldn't visit him or when he was being bullied, playing Xbox was a way to get him to open up about his feelings, by this time he had an Xbox of his own, and we would spend hours building elaborate houses in Minecraft and playing Roblox, just chatting and he would tell me all his hopes and dreams and fears.

I also got to play some amazing games with some amazing people, I enjoyed many hours just talking crap with people from all over the world, I really enjoyed those evenings instead of enduring them, it was what I needed at that time, with very little social interaction from day to day, it became a lifeline, and my sanity was saved.

If you're not a gamer, then it must be hard to understand how something that amounts to a child's toy can feature so prominently in a grown man's life, and I know this because of interactions I have had before with people who have not only don't get it but have no desire to understand.

Some people hear Adult Gamer and think sad virgin living with parents, an absolute loser, but this kind of sweeping judgment is no fault of ours, people just don't understand that grown men who play video games are using it mostly as a release, its a kind of meditation, I have been through some rough times in the past 6 years, but I have always been able to switch on the Xbox and switch off for a while, I have always been of the mind that if something is wrong and you need to get it sorted out, there's nothing you can do outside of business hours, so there's no point worrying about it till the office opens in the morning, so having something to distract you is a handy tool to have.

About a year ago there was a video circulating of a woman switching off her boyfriend's games console mid-game, because he wasn't paying attention to her, he responded with “It's all I have”. The reaction to the video was varied, but most men recognized the emotions that they saw in him, you see men are told so often that we need to man up, need to be a man, never complain, and not be childish, but the fact is we are generally childish, there are the exception but for the main part if you make a fart noise around a man he's going to laugh, there is nothing wrong with that, we're not hurting anyone, I mean yeah it's puerile and childish, but I'll say it again were hurting no one.

I feel that it's healthy for men to engage with our inner child, its healthy if you're a married man and have children and you share the responsibility of paying bills and raising children and are forced to adult, a couple of hours playing video games is a great way to unwind, to do something fun or any hobby for that matter, we as a society are working longer hours especially right now with the cost of living soaring and the bills stacking up every day brings new worries, and new challenges, so a couple of hours switching off from everyday life helps us to bring anxiety levels down, it's only a problem if video games interfere with real life and responsibilities, but for most people, its just another tool in the belt of self-care.

I know its hard to understand why a grown man would say playing video games is his way to relax, it doesn't sound relaxing, I catch myself shouting down the mic of my headset sometimes and hearing myself shouting “GEARED PLAYER PIANO HOUSE, RUSH HIM, RUSH HIM RUSH HIIIIIIM” doesn't sound very relaxing, but for some unknown reason it is.

So if you're the partner of a gamer, and you love that gamer, I will say this, wanting to play video games is not a reflection of how they feel about you, they're not abandoning you to play games, they are re-centering themselves, and if you were to take a snack to them while playing video games without interrupting their game, you would find that that's a love language they never even knew you spoke, because for your average gamer, being shown that the person they love gets them, and understands that this is important to them, is a beautiful thing.

Although video games aren't important like paying bills and raising kids, they are important to some people, so don't ruin that for people, its sometimes the healthiest way to take a breather from the stresses of life, and relationships are only ever as happy as the least happy of the two of you.

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-serving-food-to-a-gamer-5698363/